Trying

I'm trying hard to get back into shape. My body is so weak from the past year and a half. Three surgeries do amazing things to the strength of your core muscles. I'm going through physical therapy for my leg right now because it's so weak from the nerve damage that's occurred. I try to exercise and get my strength back, but I do a little too much and I'm down and out for a day or two. This is no fun but I want to exercise more.

Time

It's time for me to focus on myself. Sounds weird after what I've gone through in the past year, but there are some changes that I need to make in my life. I need to focus on my emotional well being and stop becoming the cynical bitch that I'm trying so hard not to become but circumstances are forcing on me. It's time for me to take control.

Life Restored

I had a one month post-op check today. I've got official permission to return to work. Which gives me my life back! Yes! Finally!

The end is in sight

Rewind to last Tuesday. Dad and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner because he had to go to class and mom wasn't home yet. While we were eating, sharp pains started shooting down my leg. I finished eating and tried getting comfortable in the recliner but my abdomen and leg hurt so much. The day before I'd had some random pain down my leg and some numbness when I went to bed. I was getting concerned that the herniated disc in my back was getting worse and that I really was going to need back surgery, which scared the crap out of me. Mom came home from work and I was laying on the floor crying and trying to get comfortable. Mom ate, I tried an ice pack, a heating pad, soaking in warm water. Nothing was helping. Around 9, we finally headed towards the emergency room. For as busy as they were, I got a room fairly quickly but everything else was slow. Got admitted around 4am and mom left to go grab a nap on Grandma's couch around 5. I saw the neurosurgeon later that day and he was saying that he wasn't sure that it was my spine but he'd order a full spine MRI and see what that shows. I also saw another general surgeon that afternoon and he decided that another laproscopy was in order and since I was having some pain on my right side that I also needed to have my appendix out. He was going to schedule it for 3pmish the next day and I was on clear liquids until then and I also needed to drink half of a go-lytely. Boo!

Rewind 6 month to July 1. That was my first laproscopy when I had an obturator hernia that was repaired with mesh and my left ovary was adhesioned to my colon. All of this was repaired.

Surgery on February 2nd reveals: I'd formed adhesions (scar tissue) from the 1st surgery which wasn't that big of a surprise but the big surprise was the general surgeon found that during the first surgery the patch from the hernia was stitched to my colon. Every time I moved, this patch was pulling on my colon! The appendectomy was a breeze and I woke up in a lot of pain from the surgery but the pain that I'd been experiencing for the past 7 months was gone.

Now it's just time to heal and go back to work...

Cuz I had a bad day

Sunday was a great day. I had energy and I had my pain under control. We thought it was a turning point.

Wishful thinking. (Don't read on if you don't want to know about some bodily functions)

The way dosing turned out, I took a pain pill at 9pm. After midnight I had to go NPO for a test the next day, and that included everything but heart and blood pressure medication according to the pre-op instructions, so no pain medication. I wake up at 3:30am in pain. Can't take anything. Get some more sleep when I find a comfortable position. Wake up at 9am and can't even stand up straight. Curl up in a ball in the recliner with a heating pad on my stomach hoping for some relief. Shower, head to the hospital. Get admitted and taken back for the test. Last thing I remember is the disgusting banana taste of the throat numbing/gag reflex blocking spray then the drugs kicked in and I woke back up surrounded by my family. I felt fine.

Then the gastroenterologist walked in and said that my pain was all from the pain medication and that if I take the medicine that he prescribes for me and quit the pain medicine cold turkey (that I've been on for 6 weeks now) then I'll be fine.

I can't even fucking stand up straight without narcotics in me. There's no way that I'm stopping them. Besides, I have the same pain whether my colon is full or not, so don't give me that shit about being full of shit.

So I call my primary care physician yesterday trying to get in the same day and didn't get an appointment. I was in terrible pain last night. I even had my mom give me an enema to try to get some relief and I pooped afterwards. Some of it was like shitting bullets out. Yet no relief on the pain.

And this was with percocet in me. It was barely touching the pain. I finally fell asleep sometime around 1am but didn't really get any good sleep last night and was up at 7:44 waiting for the doctor's office to open at 8.

I called them at 8:05 and got an appointment for 2:15. Took more pain medicine and got about another hour of sleep. Got up, ate, curled up in a ball in pain. Showered. Curled up in a ball in pain crying. Dad was rubbing my back, trying to give me some relief.

Doctor's appointment time comes. He spent almost a half hour in the room talking with me and my mom about my options, family history, test results and the future.

I'm on a fentanyl patch now. Thinking that will give better relief than the vicodin because it's constant medication instead of the constant up and down of the vicodin cycle. It seems to be helping some.

Gave another urine sample at the lab because my last one had blood in it. Also got my blood drawn to have my thyroid checked since there's a history of thyroid cancer in my family and after my mom had her thyroid removed it cleared up some mystery pain for her as well. So I'm scheduled for a thyroid ultrasound on Friday.

Now I'm also getting an appointment at the pelvic pain clinic at U of M. Hopefully I'll have that appointment next week. I've been in pain for 6 weeks and I'm getting sick of it.

On the plus side, Karen, Kelly and I went and saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen tonight and that movie was amazing. I absolutely loved it and wished that I'd seen it when it first came out so that I could have seen it in IMAX. But it'll come out on DVD this year and Dad still wants to see it so I'll probably see it in theaters yet again. It was a good night and I enjoyed going out with friends and getting out of the house. Unfortunately I had another bout of pain walking out to the car that bent me over for a minute. Hopefully there will be less and less of these with the new medication.

Healing slowly

I just wish that I could heal normally. Is that too much to ask? I know it's only been two weeks since my surgery, but I'm tired of being in pain all the time. Apparently, I'm healing fine from the surgery but the rest of my body still isn't happy.

I have digestive issues now. My digestive system is running slow. How do I know this? Because I went to the emergency room again Wednesday night and was there until Thursday morning. I hadn't eaten in about 8 hours when they did the CT and I still had food in my stomach. That's not supposed to happen. So, I am now on some different drugs to regulate my GI tract. Goodie. Not to mention that I reacted to the dye to the CT and had to get IV benadryl because I was itching so bad. Between that and the dilauded, I was able to doze in and out of wakefulness while I was in the ER.

The next step is more doctors appointments, goodie. Another CT (with a different dye this time) and an EGD scope. I just can't wait!

Surgery

So yesterday I had a diagnostic laproscopy to figure out what was causing my abdominal pain. I showed up at 10:30 to the hospital and at 11:30 they took me up to pre-op where they started my IV, gave me some pre-meds to relax me, met the anesthesiologist and the last thing that I remember is being moved onto the OR table and having my arms stretched out to the sides and an oxygen mask placed over my face and being told to breathe deeply.

The next thing that I remember is waking up in post-op in a lot of pain. They'd given me some pain meds but apparently had to give me more but apparently the pain was from leftover air that they'd put in my abdomen to have space to work. Then it was down to the recovery unit to wait to go home. It turns out that I had an obturator hernia which is a rare form of a hernia that can form in the pelvic area and mine was either under or behind my fallopian tube and ovary on the left side. The general surgeon said that in his 15 years as a surgeon that he'd never seen one of them before. Luckily, my GYN was there to consult with the general surgeon on his plan for me. Also, my left ovary was stuck to my colon and they had to unstick that as well.

So now I'm home and recovering. The pain that's been plaguing me for these 3 weeks is gone. I just have post-op pain which is requiring just rest and medicine. I have 3 small incisions and they hurt but it'll get better.

Hospitalized

And the abdominal pain turned into 48 hours in the hospital. The pain meds were great but they still can't figure out what's causing the pain. I actually spent time at home trying to beat out the pain then I called the ER doctor that had treated me and asked if she could do anything else for me and she told me to come in and I'd be admitted. So, mom took me to the hospital again and they had a room waiting for me when I got to the ER. I got pain meds almost instantly and felt so much better because that was the only thing that helped. Five hours later and another ultrasound and I got a room down in the basement. Unfortunately, I didn't get as good of drugs when I was admitted and was stuck with morphine that didn't seem to work as well as the dilauded and of course, I got no sleep. I got maybe 7 hours of total sleep when I was in the hospital. And I had a colonoscopy. Yup, they went there. And after they gave me the happy drugs for the scope I was apparently talking about going to a "high class mexican joint." How the hell can a joint be high class?

Now I'm home again. It's probably going to take surgery to diagnose this. Hooray.

Ugh...

So yesterday was a very fun day down at the mall and I spent too much money. Last night, really couldn't fall asleep so I stayed up and slept in (or got up early if you look at my regular schedule of being up all night and sleeping all day) til about 12:30. By just before 2pm, I had no peripheral vision in my right eye. Shit. Could I find any migraine medicine in the house? No. This has only happened once before, so of course I don't have the right medication. Freak out a little to my mom. Lay down on the couch and will the crazy lights to go away and not be followed by a headache. Dad was going to the store anyways to get some stuff to make maple apple chicken for dinner so mom got him to pick up some excedrin migraine. Of course, that took the better part of an hour, in which I laid on the couch and willed the floor to swallow me whole. If only I was so lucky. Dad got me my meds by about 3 and it wasn't until about 6:30 when dinner was ready that I could actually open my eyes and be upright. And I still have a freaking headache.

Ugh

Success!!!!!!

I got size 10 pants and skirts today! And they fit! Good! Next is size 8!

Call me Gimpy

This is one of those things that could totally only happen to me. Seriously.

Saturday morning I get home from work, take my shoes off, am reaching for the remote to my DVD player and drop the thing on my foot.

Hard.

Now this thing may not look very heavy, but let me tell you, those points hurt like none other. I could have sworn that my foot was broken. I was in so much pain. I couldn't move my toes without being in pain. The weight of my blankets hurt my foot.

So I got up and took a painkiller. Prescription strength and thought that it helped. My foot didn't hurt when I woke up. I got ready for church and put on boots because I figured that since they zipped up the side that would be better than tying across where the offensive remote damaged my poor foot.

Nope. If I even thought about moving my toes in my boot, it was a new experience in hell, made even more fun by the fact that I overslept and had 10 whole minutes to get ready for church so as I ran out the door, I forgot to take any motrin or anything.

Today it feels slightly better. Work was fun last night as I gimped around the lab, but today, as long as I don't touch the spot directly, it is tolerable without killer pain meds

Negative!

As a few of my closest friends know, when I was at a doctor's appointment recently, the doctor found some fullness in my left breast. He decided that it needed an ultrasound. So after waiting a week for the ultrasound and then another 5 days to get the results, I can proudly say that the ultrasound saw absolutely nothing! Yes! Though I'll never skip another self breast exam again

Long Week

Well, I'm slowly feeling better but still in pain. I spent Thursday and half of Friday asleep thanks to some good drugs. It's getting better and I can actually sit down for more than 10 minutes at a time. And I get my car back on Monday since they called when I was tanked on drugs yesterday and unable to drive and the body shop isn't open today. Soon. Next week's gotta be better, after all, I'm on vacation.

Ouch

My shoulder hasn't felt like this in months. I want a new one!

Back to Good

Finally, I think that I'm starting to get over my cold. I probably shouldn't have put that into words because now it'll come back with a vengeance but who cares, I've already been sick for a week. It all started last Saturday while I was getting ready to go to the Palace to see Alanis Morissette and Matchbox 20. I'd had the tickets for months and was super excited. It was supposed to be me, Karen, Kelly and their coworker Shelly. Unfortunately at the last minute, Shelly got a stomach bug and there was no way that she was going anywhere. So Karen and Kelly called Age. Asked her what she was doing that night. She said nothing. They offered her a FREE concert ticket. She froze on the spot and couldn't even come up with a good excuse not to go with us. So they started mass calling people and no one could go. So they pick me up and on the way there, I thought of Jami at work who's a big concert goer and lives in Grand Blanc, so it'd be on the way to pick her up. I texted her and 2 minutes later she's calling me back and we're on the way to pick her up, so it all worked out.


So we got to the Palace around 5 and the concert was supposed to start at 6:30. We wandered around, bought t-shirts, talked, caught part of the soundcheck for "How far we've come" then at like 6:15 we tried to get to our seats and were told that they weren't seating yet.



How messed up is that? Here you have thousands of fans wandering around the exterior of the Palace which isn't exactly the safest thing. But finally, at like 6:29 they let everyone into their seats. Mutemath opened and for a band that I'd never heard of, they were really good. And the acrobatics that they performed, were just amazing. Flips over the keyboard, throwing around a drum. It was one of the more energetic live acts that I've seen. They only played about 4 songs though.



Then came Alanis. It'd been so long since I'd even heard one of her songs, but wow, she sounded exactly the same that she did when I was in high school. The whole crowd was singing along with her and it just brought back memories of being younger and singing along with her at home and singing "Ironic" on girl scout camping trips. Unfortunately at this point of the day though, the annoying "little" sinus headache that I'd had earlier in the day turned into a full fledged raging mess of congestion and the feeling of a sledgehammer drilling in my head. Tres fun. But I was determined to survive. I was just wishing that the 12 hour sudafed that I'd taken earlier in the day would have actually worked.



Matchbox 20. What more can I say? Rob Thomas is HOT. They started out on a high note with "How far we've come" and the energy of the show never ended. We were on the floor about 20 rows back and they were pretty good tickets, though I would have preferred to be off to the side and a couple rows up to see better, you're there listening to a live concert and it doesn't get much better than that. Except for the idiot in the sound booth that was burning incense. Him, I coulda killed because I was having enough problems breathing as it was.



After they finished playing, we made a mad rush to get our USB wristbands. They've got this cool souvenir that for $35 you get a "Matchbox 20" wristband with a USB stick in it. On the USB stick is the audio from that night's concert. And it was 2 hours full of music. It's so awesome because now that I'm starting to feel better, I can enjoy everything that I couldn't enjoy with my pounding head.

As we headed home, I promised Karen and Kelly that I'd stay awake long enough to get them out of Grand Blanc and back on I-475, but after that I was making no promises because I felt like absolute shit. But I managed to stay awake the entire way home, so that was good.

Sunday came and I felt like more shit than I had the night before. But I got up and got ready for church. It was while we were in church that I realized that I had a fever. After church we came home and I took my temp and sure enough, I had a fever. Run to Target to get some good drugs, which I then took and crawled into bed. And there I stayed until 7pm. There was some football game on that I caught and managed to stay up a bit longer after that then crawled back into bed.

And during the course of all this, I had no car because mine was at the dealership so that a fluid leak and blown fuse could be dealt with. So on Monday dad had to take me to the doctor because I still had a fever and could barely breathe. It was pronounced viral in origin but I was given antibiotics to wait a few days and get filled if need be. And I wasn't allowed back to work until the fever broke.

I called in and am told by the second shift coordinator that she wasn't going to talk to me if I was calling in and I told her too bad that I was. Then we talked briefly about how everyone on nights is sick right now. After that I collapsed and slept some more. It was fun.

Tuesday came and I was feeling slighty better so I went to work. Which was good because 2 other people had called in. I barely survived the shift and came home exhausted but unable to sleep. Joy.

But that turned out ok, because Wednesday because SNOW SLAM '08. We got nailed. Snow was falling an inch an hour and roads in my county were declared impassable at 7:30pm. So at 8:30 I called work and told them that I would try to make it to work, but I was unsure if it was going to happen.

It so didn't happen. April and I tried to ride into work together and as we were crawling down the road and realized that we were going to be late they came across the radio and said that Saginaw 911 had declared Saginaw impassable and that the State Police were shutting down I-75 at Wilder Rd. That was our exit.

No work for us. We pulled into a parking lot and called work again and were told that they understood and had already found people willing to work for us, so it all worked out.



Yesterday everyone was home. Mom could get out of the driveway but couldn't get her car off the road. Dad naturally had a snow day and I was home from being unable to work the night before. I ended up giving in to my cold and going and getting my antibiotics filled. Behold the power of amoxicillin! I'm starting to be able to breathe again!



The best part of yesterday though was watching the plow get stuck. I was walking by the dining room window and saw that we were finally getting plowed (and they'd sent the right size plow down our road) when they were pushing the snow from the road into our yard and got stuck. It was hilarious. Serves 'em right for all the times that they don't bring the right plow then leave it all piled in the middle of the circle to drive over. I ran to get my camera, but by the time I got it out and back to the window, the plow was unstuck, but I took pictures anyways.

And now, things are finally getting back to good.

Sometimes...

Sometimes, even though I know it won't help, I just want to have surgery on my shoulder.

I can go weeks with very low/no pain levels. I can tolerate those with no problems. Those are the weeks that my shoulder stays where it's supposed to most of the time. It only pops when I move funny or do something that I'm not supposed to.

Then there are days like today. I woke up hurting. I have a huge knot in my shoulder. Every time I even move my hand or arm, my shoulder pops. Hell, it's so bad today that I can just turn my body and I feel my shoulder blade GRATING over something and it hurts so much. I came home from work today and went straight for the muscle relaxants and pain pills. I feel so helpless.

And all I can continue to do is do my home exercises to keep everything strong and in place so that the pain levels and popping stay minimal.

I wish that there was a way to fix this stupid thinning ligament.

I hate it.

It sucks.

All I want for Christmas is a new shoulder.

Four Hours

It seems that the last few days have been broken up into four hour increments because since I've gotten up on Tuesday, until today, I haven't slept for any longer than four hours at a time. After I got home on Tuesday morning, I slept and tried to get up after a short nap but my body wouldn't let me, even though I promised it that it could sleep through the night since I had the night off, but that it would have to wake up at 7am so that I could get to my MRI on time. Well, body didn't like that, so instead of getting up at 3:30 like I'd planned, I got up at 5.

Did the normal stuff that I do on a night off with no plans then, watched TV then a movie and wasted time on the internet. Exciting. Finally convinced myself around 1:30 that since I had to be awake and alert at 7am that I should probably go to bed. Good idea in theory. In practice however, I didn't fall asleep until 2ish and then woke up wide awake at 6am.

The MRI was just loads of fun, lemme tell you that. I get to Covenant and they show me where to go and then I have a regular MRI, where they strap these pads to my shoulder and strap them into place and stick giant headphones on me so that I can listen to some music and not focus on how freaking small of a tube that I'm in. Then they take me in for three different x-rays. Then off to another room for flouroscopic guided needle placement. Yes, it was as painful as it sounds. First they numb the area with novicaine and a normal sized needle. Then comes the nice big spinal needle so that they can get all the way down into the joint, while constantly taking x-rays that show up on the television monitor so that the radiologist can see if he's in the joint or not. And boy, the 1 second that he actually hit my bone, I just about hit the ceiling, luckily he didn't hesitate to give me more novicaine. So the needle finally gets down where it needs to be and he injects the contrast. It was really cool getting to watch the contrast start to show up on the x-rays that he was taking. Few more x-rays on that table and then off to the MRI again. Get strapped down to the table again and in I go. Then another MRI with my arm above my head. Loads of fun. Hour and a half since I got to Covenant and I get to go home.

Now they told me to expect some pain later in the day, so I was prepared for a small ache. On my way home I stopped to get some lunch meat for sandwiches because we were totally out and I had some flatbread multigrain wraps that I wanted to use. As I was coming out of Jack's I could barely use my right arm to lift the bags. But I got home and around 12:30 I laid down for a nap because I was tired and I had to work that night, but I didn't want to sleep right before work because I wanted to go out with my friends. Sure enough, I laid down, and 4 hours later I was awake.

And oh my god, I experienced a new level of pain. I moved my arm and sharp pains would shoot down my arm. But since I was sore before I took my nap, I took 800mg of Motrin. So that helped some. Friends and I went to BWW and the mall. I came home and took more Motrin. I was in pain. My mom finally made it home and I told her how much pain I was in. She was surprised and no one told me that the pain was going to be so sharp or intense so I was wondering if it was regular or not.

I made it through work, just barely and my coworkers all realized that I was in a ton of pain. Luckily it was a slow night and I was able to not move my arm too much. Got home from work and had to wait until 9am to call the doctor's office. Mom told me who to talk to so I talked to Heidi and she had some strings pulled to get the report faxed over stat and worked me in at 1:45 that afternoon. So I got about 2 whole hours of sleep then because I was worried about not getting up in time for my appointment.

Good news: I don't need surgery. I have no torn cartilage but I do have a ligament that's thinner then it should be. Luckily though it's not the ligament that holds everything in place. So for the next 6 weeks I need to focus on strengthening the rotator cuff and shoulder. I was also given some pain killers to help with the pain from the procedure.

I made it home and slept for another 4 hours, but it wasn't even solid sleep, it was that light sleep where you don't really sleep. It was annoying. But luckily I made it through the night last night with minimal pain and then came home this morning and slept for a glorious 8 hours. And I'm still tired. I'll be sleeping good tonight.

The shoulder saga continues

I went back to the orthopedic surgeon today about my shoulder, because even though I've completed physical therapy and the pain is less, my shoulder is still popping all the time. So I was barely there 5 minutes when I left with orders for an MRI and arthrogram. Yay. Now if I've got torn cartilage in there at all, I'll need surgery to take it out.

The shoulder story

Years ago, as a swimmer, my shoulder would often hurt. No biggie. Ice and tiger balm seemed to fix it. Now, the past few weeks, my right shoulder feels like it's popping and grinding whenever I move my arm. It's quite painful. So it took me a week, but I got into my family doctor and as soon as he started feeling my shoulder and it did it's little popping trick, he asked if I'd ever seen an orthopedic surgeon. Referral granted, I headed into the orthopedic surgeon's office that my mom works for. He was examining my shoulder and it did it's little popping trick and he was all "What was that?" My x-ray was fine and it was suggested that back when I was swimming, that I possibly tore a muscle and when it healed, I got a build up of scar tissue around the shoulder blade and so now my shoulder blade doesn't move as smoothly as it should. So I'm now going to physical therapy.

Yesterday I had the evaluation for PT, in which the kind physical therapist yanked my arm around and took all kind of measurements and stuff, asking "Does this hurt?"

"Um no, I'm only wincing and saying 'OW' because I feel like it."

When the eval was over, the physical therapist suggested that not only was my problem muscular and that my entire back needed work strengthening, but that there was possibly a neurological problem as well, but that it couldn't be detected unless an MRI was done.

So we'll see what the next few weeks of PT brings.

The scope and aftermath

So a week ago I was getting ready for my scope. About 11pm on Monday I had the first of three enemas. That was joyous. Got through that part of my prep and went to bed and then got to repeat that process two more times in the morning. Then I got to go to my doctor's appointment. They did the sigmoidoscopy with the only comfort help being in the form of lube and no sedation (fuckers). Mom, Grandma, Uncle Tom and I went to Mussell Beach for lunch afterwards and I've never seen Grandma so excited to eat nachos. We had the nachos and a hot fudge sundae and I started feeling really crappy again. We went home and I kinda dozed on the couch since I was scheduled to start third shift that night. Unfortunately that nap was interrupted by my stomach and frequent needs to empty my bowel. Needless to say, I didn't go to work that night.

But I also did some thinking and remembered that my senior year of college I was having similar stomach issues that were resolved by removing dairy from my diet and replacing it with soy and when I couldn't avoid dairy, to use lactaid to avoid the stomach ache.

Wednesday I woke up and was shaking and twitching and it wasn't cool so I called the doctor's office and got in that afternoon to see the nurse practitioner. Verdict: Dehydration from that damn prep. I also talk to her about my suspected lactose intolerance and ask for a lactose tolerance test. Instead I get food allergen testing ordered. I also started working thirds that night and drank copious amounts of coffee to help me get through the night.

Thursday, wake up again feeling shaky and twitchy. Call the doctor's office again and they tell me to keep on the fluids and also NO CAFFEINE.

The bastards.

Don't they know that caffeine is my lifeline?

I suffer through work that night, come home and then drop dead for a majority of the day.

I know that there is no way that I can make it through another day with no caffeine.

So I go to work with a thermos of coffee in one hand and a bottle of gatorade in the other.

Problem solved.