Sometimes...

Sometimes, even though I know it won't help, I just want to have surgery on my shoulder.

I can go weeks with very low/no pain levels. I can tolerate those with no problems. Those are the weeks that my shoulder stays where it's supposed to most of the time. It only pops when I move funny or do something that I'm not supposed to.

Then there are days like today. I woke up hurting. I have a huge knot in my shoulder. Every time I even move my hand or arm, my shoulder pops. Hell, it's so bad today that I can just turn my body and I feel my shoulder blade GRATING over something and it hurts so much. I came home from work today and went straight for the muscle relaxants and pain pills. I feel so helpless.

And all I can continue to do is do my home exercises to keep everything strong and in place so that the pain levels and popping stay minimal.

I wish that there was a way to fix this stupid thinning ligament.

I hate it.

It sucks.

All I want for Christmas is a new shoulder.