What the Clinical Lab Science Program has ruined for me:

1. SEX! (For reasons far, far too numerous to mention).

2. Most food, excluding eternally-sterile Hostess products.

2a. Milk (Cellular; Listeria monocytogenes).
2b. Spaghetti and Meatballs (Malassezia furfur wet prep).
2c. Fresh vegetables (Listeria from contaminated fertilizer).
2d. Most meat (Antibiotics, parasitic cysts, Cestoda, etc., etc., etc).
2e. Butter (Appearance of pathogenic yeast colonies).
2f. Grapes (Pseudomonas, Staph aureus).
2g. Honey (Clostridium botulinum).
2h. Anything home-canned (ditto).
2i. Oysters (Vibrio cholera).
2j. Sushi (Again, numerous reasons).
2k. Tap-water (Giardia again; hooray!).
2l. Strawberries (lesions from Trichomonas vaginalis).
2m. Chocolate agar (chocolate agar plates).

3. Swimming in lakes or ponds.

4. Monkeys (thank you, Giardia lamblia.)

5. Holidays, as professors seem to take sadistic pleasure in scheduling huge exams on or
immediately following them.

6. Pets. (Gah, more parasites)

7. Contact lenses (Acanthamoeba castellanii(

8. Growing old.

9. Having babies.

10. The wonder and mystery of the human body.

11. Faith in the beneficence of Nature. I now understand that Nature is out to get me in
nearly every way imaginable and some that aren't.

12. The company of my fellow man, especially if said company is in a hospital, nursing
home or daycare.

13. Gardening (damn you to hell, Sporotrichosis).

14. Haylofts (Aspergillus).

15. Birds (Histoplasma capsulatum).

16. Bats (the same).

17. Air conditioning (Legionella).

18. Turtles (Salmonella).

19. Restaraunts.

20. Travel both foreign and domestic.


Our teacher emailed this to us. It's so true. Most of it anyways