You might be in the medical field if...

-Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
-Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change
-You find humor in other people's stupidity
-You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
-Your idea of comforting a child is to place him in a papoose restraint
-You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a diagnosis
-You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce
-You believe that "Pizza" is a food group
-You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here"
-You are out in public and you compliment a complete stranger on their great veins
-You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Center"
-You hate working on nights with a full moon
-You don't think a referral to Dr Kevorkian is inappropriate for this patient
-You have ever wanted to hold a seminar called "Suicide-getting it right the first time"
-You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
-You think caffeine should be available in IV form
-You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
-The most commonly uttered phrase after midnight is "What changed at 2:00am that makes it an emergency after 6 months?"
-You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis
-You have ever referred to the ER as a "shit magnet"
-You believe that the ER waiting room should be supplied with Valium
-You have ever wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to the lab
-When ordering labs, the doctor wants to order a "dumbshit profile"
-When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group
-You are totally astounded when someone from the lab speaks English (HEY! I speak English)
-Your patient states "I have no idea how that got stuck up there"
-You have your weekends off marked and planned for a year
-You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA just so you don't have to deal with them anymore
-You use your status to get out of speeding tickets
-You use the word GOMER (Get Out of My ER) in a sentence more than once a night
-You have ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level (Hell, I do that as an RA)
-You threaten to use the hose if your patient won't give you a urine specimen
-When someone tells you how many drinks they've had, your question it "and how big were those drinks?"


Thanks to mom for sticking those in my Valentines card